And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
