A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
