i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
