1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
