It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
