And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
