Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
