I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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