He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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