The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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