She's JV to your varsity
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
