probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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