So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
