Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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