At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
