i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
