Nicole vs. Life
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
