Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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