I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
