I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
