You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
