I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
