Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
