i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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