Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
