Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if only i could text you this smell
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
