Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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