Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize