No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my shit smells like andre
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
