sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize