we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
