anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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