According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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