Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize