She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
