Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
