what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you didnt know i had herpes?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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