I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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