Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
