Just mADE A PArabola og urine
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
