good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
