He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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