Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
