Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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