I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
