my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
