i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
