So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
