and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
