My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize