If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
