So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
