What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I forget how to act sober
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
