Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize