apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
