I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
