i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
