woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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