I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
