remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
