it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
