TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
