All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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