I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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