Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
