which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
