the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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