dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need to calm my uterus...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
