I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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