You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
only you would photoshop your dick
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
