so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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