You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
