Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
