I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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