She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
is it fun? or sober?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
