Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
