I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
