I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
