She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
