I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize