I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
