so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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