Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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