last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
