He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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