She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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