every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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