Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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