At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
