i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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