How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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