In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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