I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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