I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
