I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
