i permit you to call me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
