It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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