who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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