i wish starbucks made bloody marys
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
